Intuition

In the past few years I was involved with many projects that involve planning of various amounts, some spanning years and even decades of time.

Reading a lot about the Middle Ages, a recurring interest of mine that started out with Arthurian legend and the branched out in as many directions as the Questing Beast has legs, I have become fascinated with the projects dating back to that period and earlier, even to prehistoric man, that involve planning that spanned decades. Cathedrals in particular have been documented as being works in progress even beyond the natural lifespans of their architects at times.

All of this, along with a discussion I had with my sister over the holiday makes me wonder why I have trouble planning what I am going to do.... not five years down the road, or one year, but let's say, this afternoon.

Or anytime. It isn't for a lack of education either, this lackluster organization of mine. I have bought planners, read books, listened to tutorials, signed up for email reminders, and pledged allegiance to my alarm clock. Some of the above got me "in line" for a few months. My sock drawer was organized, I bought only what was on my list at the grocery store and prepared meals that were planned the week before. I had lists to check off tasks before I went out of town, before I went to bed, before, before, before...

Preparation. Boy Scouts love it. Chefs rely on it. With good preparation, you are, well... prepared.

And, as it turns out for me, personally, also somewhat bored. Until I figured out a crucial element to the equation: you can't prepare for a rigid set of pre calculated inevitibilities, you have to plan for possibilities.

Its like the difference between buying a fancy dress because next month there is going to be a party you want to look smashing at and buying the fancy dress because it makes you look good, and someday you might be going somewhere in it. Because what happens if this hypothetical wonderful party opportunity.

Or possibly, the difference between planning in detail what you are going to make in your studio, and following the design specs to the T, and going down to the studio to play with whatever is down there and letting things happen. Not that it isn't good to be able to plan, or that it is better to go into the act of creation haphazardly, just that I have come to realize my way is the spontaneous improvisational way. Now I wonder what is going to happen if instead of beating myself up for not being perfectly organized and routine oriented like I, and others, have been telling myself I ought to be, I accept this realization and start treating my nature as a strength instead of something to be repressed.

After all, look at jazz and all of the other happy accidents that result in genius.

So what is my New Year's resolution? I don't know, maybe I'll just make it up as I go along.